we're blogging at a bar
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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