How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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