redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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