the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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