i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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