By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize