i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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