I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
