Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sarcasm needs its own font
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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