woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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