I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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