That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
