After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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