Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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