Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
