She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
