trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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