Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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