He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
