And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
