This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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