i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
