u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
