Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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