i already hear my dad disowning me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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