he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
