making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
