I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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