He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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