i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
