Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
