Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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