just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
