Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
