Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
