is your mom at the bar?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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