The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize