i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
