i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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