If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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