it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
