oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
