got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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