I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
