she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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