i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
