Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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