This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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