My hand turned me down
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
