i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
