I don't usually arrange sex via text message
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
