have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
