What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
