Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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