birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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