I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
