Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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