I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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